2009 was a blast for me and I want 2010 to be an explosion of fun for you so I’m making this blog a “How-To” for those looking to have the perfect life. Are you ready? Well then just put on a pair of jeans and let's go. You look fine. Seriously.
Step 1) Get a stunning girlfriend who’s amazing in every way.
I know this might be difficult for some of you, especially you Steve, but what you don’t realize is
once you have a stunning girlfriend (like my Sheila) everything turns up aces. The other day I
rode a unicorn over a rainbow. Sure, it was in a dream, but that’s a better dream than single people
have so take a bite of that knowledge.
Done biting into that knowledge? Great. You’re ready for step 2.
Step 2) Express yourself through folk song. Some have expressed themselves through other means, (drawing, yodeling, Nintendo), but folk song is the best for your soul.[1] Once you master metaphors the world is your bivalve mollusc that lives in a marine habitat. The other day I compared a rain cloud to the beat of an antelope and my elbow tendonitis went away. That's how powerful metaphors are. Since writing my first folk lyric six years ago I haven’t needed to see a doctor.[2]
3) Dress to Murder. I’m sure you’ve heard the phrase “Dress for the occupation that interests you, not that one that no one wants.” Well I came up with my own wisdom: “Dress to impress.” Only a songwriter could pull off a rhyme like that, a folk songwriter who’s confident because he has matching clothes and a stunning girlfriend.
This is just a gizz of what’s coming in 2010. I know a magician doesn’t give away his tricks, but I guess I’m a philanthropic magician who has so many tricks up his sleeve that he has to give some of them away so he can make room in his sleeve for stuff like a bunny or the key to his underwater Houdini tank. If you want the latest on style and lifestyle or just like magic tricks, then you know where to stay tuned (here).
[1] I haven’t tried interpretive dance or kick boxing yet, but folk singing definitely beats out water color painting and graphic novel writing hands down.
[2] I haven’t seen an optometrist in seven years, but that’s because he gave me bad glasses so now I can’t find his office. Heyo. That one’s for the kids.
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