Finding that your sheets are covered in sweat every morning and you can't breathe because you keep having dreams about the wild sex that Sheila and Harry are having? Don't worry, you're just having a panic attack. Here are some things you can do to enjoy your panic attack:
1) Pretend you’re a rock star on a bad acid trip and just stare at wall for three hours while occasionally yelling incoherent noises.
When your neighbors complain and bang on your door, collapse on the floor and shout through the walls that Hades is dragging you to the underworld. They’ll be able to empathize and let you get back to your pretend acid trip.
(Above: This should help you with your acid trip.)
2) Imagine you’re in an office. You should be asleep in no time.
3) If it’s still dark outside head over to the bar and tell everyone the next round’s on you. You’ll look like a pimp when you throw your cash down and slide Yaegar bombs to everyone. The best part is if it's late enough the bar will probably be closed so you don’t have to spend any money or even leave the house. Just imagine this taking place in your head. If you want to imagine going home with a girl that’s fine too.
4) Read up on the latest drama behind American Idol. You'll forget your own problems and think about people who don't matter. After a couple years you'll start living vicariously through them until you forget that you ever had a life of your own. Failure is much easier to experience when it's not your own.
6) Pleasure yourself. What else did you have to do today? If you want, pleasure yourself while on your acid trip. Then have birds fly through your window so you can kill two of them with one masturbatory stone.
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